Thursday, June 3, 2010

That morning..

That morning I woke up and mourned
Deeply mourned
I was weeping, I was crying
I've lost the battle again

O' Allah gives me strength

Help me

Help me

Help me

I've lost the battle again
I've missed another day to perform my qiyam
I've set up the alarm at 3am
I've slept early yesterday
But I still woke up at 6am

And I mourned, again
Another day without qiyam
Make me feel empty inside out
Like I didn't achieve anything

What's wrong withe me?
What's wrong with me?!
I hate who I'm now

I miss the old me
The old me who can easily wake up
And perform my qiyam
Facing you O' Allah in the middle of peaceful night
While the rest sleep soundly
While the rest in their dreamworld

I miss the old me
I miss the old me
Owh I miss the old me
Can I turn back the time?

To whom should I blame?

To her for disturbing my sleep cycle
and causing me to have insufficient sleep hour?
To her for making noise in the toilet during night?
To her for slamming the door hard and woke me up?

Blame yourself
Blame syaithon laknatu Allah
Blame yourself
Blame yourself

And I was weeping again
To the greatest despair
And I reached for my ma'thurat that morning
Seeking for peacefulness
Seeking for answer
Kept on questioning myself
The same question

Why were you unable to wake up this morning to perform qiyam Safwanah?
And I traced my khilaf back
And I tried to find the rationale behind this
And I tried to understand the hikmah behind all this

And I failed again
O' Allah why?
This servant want so much
To feel again
The strong bond and connection
Between You and her
That she used to feel when she perform her qiyam

O' Allah, your servant is not strong
Only to You she turns to
O' Allah, gives her strength
Gives her strength
To wake up and qiyam again
Cause she really wants to cry in front of You

From the weeping heart who misses her Creator,

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